The Name Game

I found out my divorce is final last week! After only 24 months! So in honor of that, I'm going to reveal that my real name is:


No, seriously. r+k+mama was the first to be right, my real first name is:


The A's are pronounced like the A's in "watch" or "father."

(And if you missed my update in the comments, my son was over being Kevin before lunch on Friday.)