Thinking about disappointment

Yesterday I wrote a post at Moxieville about asking my ex-husband to take our kids out of Boy Scouts, now that they're reaffirmed their ban on gay Scouts and leaders.

I am so disgusted by the BSA and I really do not want my kids to have anything to do with the organization.

But I realize this is a tough thing for their dad. Scouting meant a lot to him. One of the first things he told me when we started dating was that he's an Eagle Scout, and what his project was. He has stories of Scout Camp, and his nemesis at Scout Camp, and all the things he learned and experiences he had.

So it has to be truly disappointing to him that the group that gave him so much good isn't good anymore. (Not that they ever were, but when everyone was homophobic the BSA wasn't any worse than anyone else that way.)

I've taken some abuse from former Boy Scouts who have defended the BSA's right to homophobia very vociferously. While I think fighting for an organization with an indefensible position is bizarre, I understand that it has to be coming from disappointment and fear that the good that these men experienced in Boy Scouts is somehow meaningless.

It's not. What my ex-husband got from Boy Scouts was great. It's with him still. What these men who've gotten so angry at me experienced in Scouting was valuable. It was worthwhile. They are worthwhile.

But it's time for a new understanding of what they can be. What they can stand up for.

People have been talking about alternative organizations, and the alternatives sound good, but they're all co-ed. I think men's space is important. And I wish there was an organization for boys that welcomed all boys and their parents. I wish my boys had regular male role models that reflected different ways of being a man.

I wish my ex-husband didn't have to be disappointed. And that he didn't have to make a choice.

Disappointment hurts.